The Seventh: Part III

Chanel was not able to be released just yet from St. Mary's Hospital so I came alone to spend some time with my daughter. I am with Isabella holding her hand right now as nurses continue to run tests and take blood from her. She is so adorable, I can not even tell if she looks more like her mother or if she looks like me. She has big hands and feet, like mine, and she has my big ears. She has her moms nose and although they remain closed, i bet he has her mothers eyes. She keeps moving her left foot and toes, and she will not open her hands from a fist. In between those moments she lies there almost motionless except her chest, which is vibrating from the oxygen machines. I cry a little bit every time she moves and hope she will open her hand from that fist and grab my hand. I know she is scared, she has no control over what's happening to her and the computers in the room will not stop beeping. I wish Chanel was here with me, honestly she is stronger than I am. It is hard to hold back all these emotions I am feeling and my constant weeping is obvious to the hospital staff. I wish I had the power in me to help her, but I do not. I never imagined things would be a hard as they have been either. It did not seem hard at first. I would be traveling with another person without our families far away to live for a while. I mean, it is not like I haven't done that before. She is so beautiful. Although I do not know what tomorrow brings, I keep thinking about what she will be like in a few years. I can see her holding my hand as we are walking somewhere and I can see us sitting on a couch together as we watch a movie. It is what I always imagined us doing when she is older. There are more nurses in here now, one is on the phone with Dr. Yang relaying information. Even though I completely confide in the staff here, I am scared. So is Chanel, and so is Isabella.